Midnight Music: Tonight I Wanna Cry

And I thought that being strong meant 

Never losing self control

But I'm just drunk enough
To let go ahold of my pain

...from my eyes.

Tonight I wanna cry

I spent 4 hours today trying to raise money for a cause I truly believe in.

The whole time all I could see were the couples walking in.

Holding hands. 

Ready to spend Christmas with someone that cared about them

The whole time I fought the memories of being loved but abandoned.

Having promises made but never kept. 

I spent 4 hours today trying to raise money for a cause I truly believe in. 

The whole time I chewed the inside of my cheek watching dads walking with their young children.

Waiting for anyone to treat me like anything but an afterthought. I'm waiting for the flashbacks to stop.

You can try as hard as you want, fight as much as you'd like and still come home empty. Alone. 

I'm trying.

I'm trying so hard. 

And supposedly the second year is worse. 

I can't survive worse. I just want to feel like I matter.