Letters to Ryan: What You Taught Me

Good morning Sweetheart,

Someone asked me once “What did Ryan teach you?”

I had to think about that before I answered but the reality is you taught me a lot of little things. Many of them goofy. Some of them incredible.

§  You taught me that people still use the word “rad”

§  You taught me how good the Chargers are at messing up
§  You taught me how to eat salsa and break the chips into pieces to get more salsa/chip ratio

§  You taught me how to surf boogey board

§  You taught me how to make a kick ass steak marinade

§  You taught me why men buy baby wipes (eww…)

§  You taught me how to be playful in a relationship and how to giggle like a kid again as you chased me around the house with that look in your eye as I was playfully fighting you off in the middle of cooking dinner

§  You taught me to get back up, even if my pride is bruised and my butt hurts from falling really hard a few times even on the bunny slopes

§  You taught me how special I was to you when you walked on the outside of the sidewalk, opened my car door on date nights and randomly elsewhere (try as I might to fight this…)

§  You taught me how good your touch feels: rubbing my arm, walking up behind me and putting your chin on my shoulder and your arms around my waist, interlacing fingers, resting your hand on my thigh…

§  You taught me to walk a belligerent patient to the ambulance with your hand gripping/supporting the back of their right arm so you have better control of the situation and decrease the chance of them being able to get a good swing at you.

What I told the person that asked me was “Ryan taught me how wonderful it is to be with someone that will put your needs before theirs. And he taught me how amazing it really feels to do the same for them.” I shared that conversation we had last year when I sat down with you over dinner and I said “Sweetie, I know our 5-year plan had me going back to school first, getting my degree and then you leaving and going back to school. I want you to know that I think you need to get out. I think the plan has changed and it needs to be about you. Because I don’t want to be in my job forever – I don’t want to stay in government, I want to get back to research and medicine – but I don’t hate my job and it’s not wearing me out and we need to take care of you. So if that means going back to school or quitting…now you can’t sit at home all day and play video games…but I will support you, even financially.” And Ryan, Sweetheart, I will never forget the look in your beautiful blue eyes and the tone of your voice when you just said “Thank You.”

I knew I had done the right thing. Even if my personal dreams were on hold.

You taught me how to love unconditionally. Thank you.

I love you and I miss you.

Stephanie