If your mom/wife/sister/daughter dies of breast cancer, most people understand if you then make it part of your routine to do Komen Race for the Cure every year. It's ok to learn more about childhood leukemia, to do ice bucket challenges for ALS, or to rally and speak out against secondhand smoke/cigarettes contribution to lung diseases.
If your sweetheart dies from suicide, everyone treats you completely different. They caution you to not think about it and push you to move away from anything related. They expect that there is nothing therapeutic that can come from making the problems of mental health or suicide a new part of the loved one's journey. Why?
It's not embarrassing; It's not cowardice; It's not any different than communicating a death by car accident or disease. My Darling had no more control over his death than someone that wrecked a motorcycle or had a stroke.
Not for a single day have I been upset at Ryan because of the way he died. And I never will. I honestly can't understand how you could be mad at someone that dies by suicide. It is agonizing to experience only short glimpses of the anguish that he must have felt in the final hours and minutes. My heart aches to know that he was tormented so intensely.
If you feel the need to ask someone how their loved one died, be prepared to offer condolences regardless of the conditions. Whether a MVC, medical condition, suicide, overdose, etc. when we lose someone important in our lives, there is a unique and horrible experience that will follow called grief.
**I miss taking care of you: laundry and trimming the scraggly hairs from the back of your neck between haircuts and making sure your deodorant and soap is always well stocked**
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