What NOT to Say: It's all in (insert deity)'s plan

Two weeks ago I got a birthday card from someone I haven't seen in a while nor spoken to in just as long. You know, one of those obligatory family cards that means nothing to you but is typically thought of as a nice gesture.

This one has the standard empty "wishes for your year/day" poem and then a handwritten letter which read:

"I'm so sorry to hear about the untimely death of your friendmy fiance. The loss of someone you know and care about is seldom pleasant fucking awful. However, I am confident that your awareness of the love and grace of our precious Lord allows you to understand that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose." Please trust God to reveal the meaning and purpose some day! Trust God, please! May you have a blessed day! We love you"!

I made my edits on the card, sealed it up and considered putting "Return to Sender" in fat permanent marker across the front. I also made a note "If that's all you can say, you shouldn't have wasted money on the card." My grandmother, listening through snotting angry tears, convinced me not to.

I understand people don't always know the right thing to say. I was pretty sure most of the elder generation at least learned "If you don't have anything nice to say - don't say it at all." I did.

There's nothing wrong telling someone that is suffering from a loss "I don't know what to say". In fact, most days, I don't know what to say either. If you're absolutely compelled, perhaps an "I'm thinking about you" is clean and easy. Justifications, even most offers of consolation may be received very differently. Grief is very personal, and very different for everyone affected. And religious offers, even if you think it would help... well, it's not about you.

It's been 48 days. I'm pretty proud of myself if I shower more than once/week.

Additionally - if you "know" the person grieving (I use that term loosely) but in particular had not met the person lost, perhaps you're not in the best place to provide personal enlightenment.