It Just Hurts

It hurts. To have no one resting their chin in the nape of my neck as I drift off to sleep.
It hurts. To wake up in the morning and not see you there next to me.
It hurts. To be dodged and avoided at work or to receive, at best, pity stares.
It hurts. To listen to a story of a groom losing it at first glimpse of the bride.

Knowing I never get the chance to see you - my Every Day - do the same thing.

It hurts. To say I'm "doing ok"/"hanging in there" because "Well I haven't jumped off Pennybacker yet" is not an acceptable response.
It hurts. To be left with nothing to say - because realistically there is a set of unknown but expected actions and words externally imposed upon me.
It hurts. To check my phone and see no missed call or text - no update or brightening of my day at all.

That even 9 weeks to the day I still expect it might happen.

It hurts. To leave work every single day, reminded that routine call will never happen.
I just want to talk to you.
It hurts. Whether I eat or don't eat, my digestive system just isn't the same. Unbalanced.
It hurts. To have 2 pups - your little girl and our big guy - to care for. All by myself.
It hurts. Lying in bed staring at a wall with just my thoughts. For hours.

It just hurts. Not having you.